Internal Conflicts: Embracing the Battles

I'm spending the weekend with the nieces for their first-ever sleepover at my apartment, so I thought I'd share something this morning from the archives of my writings. I stumbled upon this and thought it apropos considering all the change that’s been surrounding the world lately — emerging from a pandemic lifestyle, the latest evolution taken by CBY, and so many other elements in our individual lives that we don’t always share with others. I hope sharing some of my past struggles brings you insight into any struggles and changes you might be resisting at present.

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There seems to be a common theme in my life of late, that of the internal struggles, conflicts, and battles we all face from time to time. I suspect I'm resisting the fight, rather than allowing it to take place. I took notice of this theme after needing a break from the battle between Rama & Ravana in the Ramayana, thus choosing to watch some random TV episodes. After watching a particularly violent episode, I decided to read from a collection of short stories that are often pleasing. The next one up happened to be one of a struggling nature, atypical of this author. So I decided to choose another show that's not typically violent, and the next episode up just so happened to also fall in this category. I couldn't escape it and I didn't know why. I've been struggling with some personal issues, conflicts in my private life, and the constant influx of conflict in the various mediums in which I was seeking refuge only intensified the fact that I need to come to terms with my conflicts or they'll consume me.

Conflicts can arise between others or within ourselves, our choices, our thoughts and experiences. Our yoga practice can help resolve internal conflicts, as our practice serves as the mirror to our life. How we handle these conflicts - internal or external - can be the difference between uncovering santosa (contentment) and succumbing to a darkened pit of despair. How we approach a posture that challenges, how we approach an injury that inspires frustration, how we approach the discipline to step on the mat when all we want to do is crawl in bed with a burrito and a bowl of cookie dough for days on end... these are the same ways we approach the unending cycle of monthly bills, how we approach the unyielding heartbreak of relationships that end, how we approach the unremitting depression triggered by tragic events.

I continue to reflect on these internal conflicts, through the mirror of my physical, breathing, and meditation practices. Truths are not always easy to accept, and I'm resisting some truths I know in my mind, but my heart isn't ready to acknowledge.

You don't need to wait for a moon day, or vata season, or even any specific time of day. Any time of day, week, or year can serve as a time to embrace grounding and reflecting, and within that grounding we may be able to begin the courageous self-conversation(s). It's been said that courage is the measure of our heartfelt participation with life, so perhaps my practice is to stop fighting the internal conflict. Embrace what is battling within, attempting to consume me, and instead allow it to be consumed to ashes so that new seeds may sprout. Set my internal landscape ablaze like a wildfire clearing out debris and decaying detritus that no longer serves my personal growth and evolution.

I proffer the invitation of inspiration to find refuge in your practice. A place that invites an opportunity, a mirror, a space of breath to control the internal wildfires that shall clear the landscape once the death and decay of the past has been consumed, utilized as fuel for future growth and nourishment.

- Sara