The Pleasurable Discomfort of Non-Attachment

Despite the budding springtime of growth and renewal, this time of year brings up thoughts of loved ones passed. It was 7 years ago that my beloved Mocha died, and 13 since Copper died (the resulting depression of which sent me on a path from science and academics to opening a yoga studio). It’s been almost 2 years since Marley died and at times it still feels like yesterday. This pandemic has brought to the surface of our daily lives so much loss — loss of life, loss of semblance of self, loss of sense of normalcy, loss of livelihood, loss of a physical presence of Cherry Blossom Yoga. And of course, there's Memorial Day next weekend, which offers me a moment of reverence and remembrance of those who've died in the service of our country.

In our practice, we talk about concepts of non-attachment and not dwelling in the past. Our practice teaches us to be aware in the present moment — without attachment to the desire for repetition of pleasurable experiences (raga) nor avoidance of experiences that give pain (dvesa).

Our practice helps us develop the ability to discern between that which is pleasurable or painful from that which is beneficial.

Attention on the present moment doesn't negate all the past moments that brought us to the present. It's important to remember the past, with an energy of non-attachment to that past. I still grieve for the loss of Marley, and yet I work to find presence in that grief without indulging in the soul-shredding heartache. I work to find presence in the knowledge that he would’ve loved how much time I am/was spending at home during the pandemic, without spiraling into the deafening silence of his absence.

It’s within that presence I find contentment with my present self.

I count myself fortunate to not have lost a loved one in war, but I know many who have. While I wasn't born during the time of the Vietnam war, when I visit the memorial wall in DC, I’m always overwhelmed with emotion.

It’s these memories of our past that shape who we are in this moment. We can choose to allow those memories to teach us in a nonjudgmental fashion, or become so detached that we lose sight of the lessons learned, and the loved felt.

We work on the mat to observe the conditioning we've developed during our lifetime, and soften the conditional responses. This allows us to be present, without imprisonment of the past or expectations of the future.

I encourage you to use your memories — pleasant and painful — for growth and nourishment, to uncover your conditionings (samskaras), then offer death to the impressions and attachments that no longer serve you. In offering that death, honour the memory of what you've released without the burden of being bound by it.

— Sara